Dating in 2019 is umm… different. If I was to ask someone of my generation, what they were looking for in a mate/relationship, they’d probably say things like “someone who’s loyal, ambitious, has their own, and someone who they can build with.” Question: What exactly are you building? What’s the foundation like? While those attributes are great, you have to at least have a strong sense of your purpose in life, in order to determine what you’re building, with or without a mate. And you can’t share your life’s purpose with just anyone. Reason being, you may have the same goals, but what if your plan on getting there is completely different? What if the two of you don’t have the same beliefs or morals? Who’s gonna conform to who? Who’s gonna lead and who follows? What’s the focus? Now, that screws up the vision. In order to pin point if a person is good for you, and if you should actually invest in a relationship, you have to ask yourself questions like: Is this good for me, or is it just good to me? Does this person speak to my future or my past? Who I was or whom I plan to be? Did our connection form through relatable pain, pleasure, or purpose? Since I met this person, am I more focused or have I become distracted? Am I ready to commit to love, or am I just lonely? Do I love myself? Because I am only going to give another person as much or as little as I give to me… These are the type of questions that need answers before taking dating to the next level.
Date with a purpose.
We’re only getting older. We need partnership over puppy love. Now, if you’re someone who knows who you are, whose you are, and what you deserve, then your desires are completely different, like me. The old me sought out love that was built on compatibility, companionship, and lust. The old me was broken, insecure, and not strong enough to demand what I deserve. I also didn’t love me enough to accept the love that I desired, so I would choose what was familiar over my faith. I allowed fear and emotions to dictate my decisions in love, which only led my heart into an even worse condition than before. The effects from this toxic pattern, then spilled over into my mind, and I would tell myself things like:
“You’re not good enough.”
“Obviously something’s wrong with you.”
“You’ll never have that.”
But the love of God restored me, then renamed me. Not only do I love myself, but I also practice self-care. (because we often know better, but still won’t do better) I am no longer afraid to APPLY what I know. The old me was whoever some guy or some friend wanted me to be, but the new found me, the renamed me, will have a love built on purpose. Trust in God, will be our foundation that leads us to partnership, and with God, there is absolutely nothing that we won’t accomplish. I’m not desperate for relations, I’m desperate to pursue purpose. What about you? I don’t need feelings, I need faith. Faith is what drives me. It is why I keep going. People want so desperately to love and to be loved, but I need to know WHY we are doing this! If there is no target, no focus, no solid foundation to build on, we will eventually fall out of “love.”
I’m attracted to wisdom and leadership. Do you know who you are spiritually? That’s an even bigger plus. If you’re not seeking God and learning yourself, what are you doing? Do you know where you’re going in life? If not, how can you lead me? Do you know that you must have an understanding of my calling in order to carry me? And I have to love God enough in order to submit to you, and cover you. Attention and affection is cool, but purpose requires more. Eventually, your spirit will begin to feel deprived of what your heart truly desires. Purpose demands more than just things in common. Are you pursuing purpose? It’s what matters. Don’t be intimidated by people’s standards, and don’t lower yours to accommodate their comfort. Be the type of vessel that forces people to level up, for the sake of their own growth. I pray this touches two types of people: those who were almost about to lower their standard, and those who don’t have a standard set. Be encouraged!
God loves you.